The division between men and women, and the lack of self-understanding, has perpetuated many limiting ideas and strategies toward love and marriage.
Many unions do not survive due to role limitations and dependency upon one another, including the unspoken expectation of one member to have the other member meet their needs. Resentment, anger, and contempt are inevitable if one plays the game, and the other benefits but does not reciprocate. Dysfunction will most certainly result unless both parties are responsible for and expressive about meeting their own needs. What happens then is the energy flow narrows and eventually closes off and love diminishes.
Too often the resentment one partner bares toward the other remains just below the surface where it smolders in an ongoing fashion like a fire beneath a former coal mining town, until the aggregate of all negative feelings breaks the surface and consumes the history of the relationship, resulting in irreparable damage. Or if it does not result in this explosion of expression, it slowly but surely builds a wall of separation on a day by day basis.
Many recommended, but limiting, rules of the marital union reinforce the confusion. The word compromise, for example, means to negotiate a common win-win solution. Compromise does not mean one gives up what they need in honor of another. It does not mean meeting someone half way, somewhere between what each desires, for neither is a single lifestyle. “Self-less” living does not mean giving up one’s needs in order to serve those of another—it is not about martyring one’s self, gracefully losing a win-lose competition, so another can win. It means rising above the competitive self-preservationary impulses to accommodate all three purposes for self and others. It means melding all parts of each self and designing a lifestyle of common Co-operative Goals:
A union between two people is a dynamic thing w/operative goals.
, growing with the passing of time because that is the desire and intent of both. This can only happen if both see the value of this growth. It need not sacrifice the evolving process either physically, mentally or spiritually. Rather, when each serves as a welcome mirror to the other’s progress, that intimacy can grow while respect remains intact.
Jest fewd fer thought anyhew 🙂 ….
Have a splendid one!