INvisible Ilnesses… are More than a PAIN!….NOT “FUN!”

Had a post all ready bout people that are positively negative but poof an it went bye-bye. so u get this one instead!

INvisible Ilnesses.……….. are More than a PAIN!….NOT “FUN!”
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Some times for the person with an invisible illness like mine, well, to write or talk bout it is not ordinary!… To deny that it exists sumtimes is the only way to exist with it! whatevr type of Invisible illness it might be. Fact is 9 out of 10 people on the planet do not have any idea what u are talking bout an 8 out of 10 simply do not care 😦 ..Sad but true…Most will not even read all the werds in a long blog like this to even understand what is being shared!
For many of those who read my blog werld will jest think i am on my soapbox of self pity an self derived problems, they can believe what they want now…judge me in thier own life of health!..an well, not be affected by anything i think or say!….blowing it off as my ego or my “little boy who cried wolf” syndrum, which is definitely not the case!….Jest ask robin williams how it feels to be the one that has to be HAPPILY in PAIN! an put on a mask evry day or minute one steps out into the werld an tries to relate! Being of service to others is a big help in helping with the pains, but does not make it go away!… jest gives one some sense of worth when they know every minute thay are going downhill!
If u are one of those that suffer? frum invisible dis-ease of any kind then u know what i am talking bout…Jest Because: one might not LOOK SICK ? well, the general assumtion is that one is jest fine…an that is not the case!
But, waking up physically sick or in pain 5 out of 7 days a week totally sucks an after a few years truly gets to a human spirit, believe me I KNOW…oh an they call me a know it ALL? or “THE KING OF PAIN!” 😦 What a JOKE: if i knew it all i could FIX the invisible pains i have, wouldn’t that be the case now huh!?
Well, Not the case…am lucky to be alive really, an well, My Grattitude an love for myself an others is what keeps me alive more than anything else. Besides attempting to get the body to operate on the correct FREQUENCY!….with the rife machine an human energy field werk!
I can be eternally thankful for the science of Bio_Energetic healing an the unPROVEN? science of HANDS ON HEALING! These 2 things have kept me alive to really truly see how bad things can really get! I wake up in the morning, sumtimes, feel as though i have the FLU: other times Feel like i Had got run over by a truck in my dreams!…Other times i wake up more tired than when i went to bed….My mind wants to go outside an do something “FUN” but well.can’t seem to put together the energy to do that all the time…Many times i spend 1/2 an hour er more jest being sick…sick to the point i am dizzy, sweating an vomiting over an over till i feel like i am going to die, feel like a child that has the flu uncontrollaby an can’t get a grip on it. After my 1/2 hour battle over FLULIKE symptoms…i go through a withdrawal of sorts, become chronically fatigued to the point where jest sitting here like this typing on my keyboard, makes me both HURT an Then depressed because of the HURT also…The doctors say MIND OVER MATTER NOW!..so i try an do as much as i can to do jest that….Until i have to take at least 5mgrams of oxycodone…Sumtimes more, over the next half hour or so i start to feel better an sumtimes not…Ya never know how its going to turn out really!…Yeah : lewk in the mirror an all seems OK, Right…well, not! The best way to deal with the pain in the end a lot is to jest smoke a bowl an go lay down again….Believe it er not i feel much batter afterwards….At least MY MIND has changed bout it!…so, yeas MIND OVER MATTER does werk a lot but not all the time…so i go on with my daily “routine” an know that “in the back of my mind” well, my body is still in pain!…an as soon as i focus on that or realize it well, things can go downhill frum there relatively easy! Ah but big breaths.right…….well, sometimes nothing helps but complete exapism frum how one feels!….is why they had me on Morphine for a while, but well a temporary cure it is in the end also!,,,,Morphine jest makes one internally sick an simply CRAZY in the end..cause nightmares an more convulsive activity in the end..Kinna like Booze! er jest like taking too much heroin..or pain killers…
So? what does one do….if they are like me or many others with pkd or fibromalgia or muscle pains or digenerative disk disease or brain pains or body aches that are not “NORMAL” but caused by a DIS-ease or imbalance of the integral system of our energy field an human bodies?

I wish it were as simple as a toothache where in the end ya can jest opull the ttoth an the pain goes away….well ya jest can’t pull the organs that are effected by this disease! or one would die, is all there is to it…so meanwhile one lives in INVISIBLE PAIN…..as people around ya ..sumtimes – the ones that notice..ask? wow whats wrong? with you?…when ur on the verge of crying 90% of the day. Can’t even bend over an tie shoelaces for years without hurting! ..Having to put on a mask in a way an “FAKE IT TILL ONE MAKES IT’ seems to become the normal way, even going to the store an doing shopping sumtimes becomes more of a challenge than a pain, trying to hold it all inside so no one sees how ya feel, using the shopping cart as a crutch to get round with an wear a hat a lot an lewk down quite a bit to hide the eventfull, ever flowing rush of tears! Sumtimes there is more pain in trying to be normal than jest crying it out!..but ya can’t be doing that in publik right…?
Because of the size of my kidneys an other organs that have growd due to this disease, i have a simulated “MORNING SICKNESS’ quite often. Like having a couple of babies inside pushing on all the organs it is…..after eating or when i wake up a lot!…After SWEATING that out an vomiting ur life away ; well, one feels half normal for a few hours…is part of the daily routine for many years now for me here…
To attempt to try to get someone to realize how much pain ya are in is FUTILE! furst you don’t look sick, so ya can’t possibly be sick right..well, how so very wrong they are the people that think that, to try to convince social security disability that i could not perform normally any more took lotsa years of off an on pains, loosing jobs over it etc etc.hospital visits galore!.not being able to even wake up being able to depend on being well enuff to werk? 😦 …then on top of that thay can’t understand how an why one would be depressed? when ya lewk so healthy huh!?….An in the end that jest makes on more depressed!? 😦 …WTF? a living dichitomy a lot it is! is what i know at this point!
Not being able to do the things which are enjoyable seems to make the depression even stronger! ya feel helpless an useless to even ur self…Ridiculed by family an friends for NOT BEING ABLE TO ” jest makes the depression feel deeper than ever also..they have no clue what it is to be in PAIN, And think it is SILLY for U to be so!?….
The word of the week for the wordpress weekly photo challenge is “FUN” an well, is “fun” mentally going an lewking at all the pics of people having FUN!..having to put aside any self pity for myself not being able to go out an have that same fun anymore! I used to think of my work as FUN! an tried to have FUN in everything i evr did, even if it was something i did not wish to do..was a way to over come the burden of doing those not so “fun” things…Mind over matter right…..positive energy over the bad right!!!!! well, it only goes so far when one is in pain 24/7…. .
Have ya ever had the feelin ya were like a fly in a glass bottle trying to find a way out!? knowing u can see the other side, an know where ya want to go – but not being able to get out! continually trying in a myriad of ways to get free, banging ur way against the glass every time ya think ya see a hole to fly out of!…then ya bounce off an right back into the bottle – not being able to get out!
Well, bones disintegrating, an nerves bundling up 😦 …an tightness in the field! eventually closes down on oneself, is my experience as time rolls on here…knowing my time is limited! i do every minute of evry day! is bout the way it is…so inspired to write this because the werd of the week was “FUN” well? is not so fun!..when the only real FUN one can have is in dreamland!……
So – at the funeral of mr. mikey here if they have one for me? well,? will they say i was a guy who liked to have fun..or will they say ..lucky him he is no longer in pain that caused his fun to not be fun!?
Will they even understand that my blog werld an my life the last few years was jest attempting to overide the pain with somethin i called fun!…trying an attempting to teach others what i have learned in life as to be the most valuable lessons..has been what it has been bout the last few years!…mentally that has been !FUN! yes indeed!
when i am not stranded by being broke paying for all that this has cost me, well ever now an again i can go fly or ride my bike or even take a hike,,,{still in pain} an call it fun! is the best temporary release i can get! to

LIVE IN THE NOW!

HARD AS IT IS AN HAVE FUN DOING

WHATEVR IT IS THAT ONE CHOOSES TO DO!
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A lot of people with fibromyalgia PKD digenerative disk disease! and chronic fatigue syndrome,  or any one of dozens of types of cancer an auto imune diseases have days where we can hardly do anything, whether it’s because we literally don’t have the energy to move, or whether activity causes searing pain that breaks us down physically and mentally. We never know when this might happen….sumtimes it comes on gradually an one can prepare for it other times it happens in an instant! an if ur in publik or around people well?
Then i get these notes an comments or texts? “WHATS WRONG WITH YOU?” AN WELL, THAT JEST MAKES ONE MORE DEPRESSED…wunderin what is truly wrong an why one can’t do a lot bout it…an why one has to jest accept the loosing cards dealt…an then go bout life one minute at a time till it gets better – hopefully!.an also i get the other side of the pic frum many…who don’t want to realize or accept the fact that i am in pain an they jest disconnect frum me or leave me be…so they do not have to be a part of it!..even though i attempt not to soapbox bout it, jest hanging round me for a few hours they realize i hurt an it bothers them too much to hang round me 😦 especially soul sensitive people yes indeed…. although ever now an again i come across a healer type of personality, who senses an feels what i do, most compassionate folks i have ever known on the planet!..they even tell me…it takes a lot out of them to even werk on me! an to attempt to transmute the self capturing negative energies an dispurse them!…Is almost like being poossessed by something ELSE? inside that cause havoc on the rest of my systems an body an life itself in the end!..
I very rarely talk bout my ETERNAL pains here! an what a pain in the body it is being alive…i enjoy the good things in life to much to jest give up an let one die! is bout the end of it here! is why i do what i do,,,keep on keepin on…put on the false front of being NORMAL AN HAPPY AN HEALTHY is all one can do…an give it every attempt an my best shot to show the doctors wrong etc etc… an heal the field so my body heals is the greatest thing i can do to over come these dis-eases that affect my field – my body – my life an ultimately my physical an mental health!
So…to those who read me that are in chronic pain…i can relate yes indeed!…I can only share a bit of my experience strength an hope to help u in ur individual situation…yes we are all different…but chronic PAIN still feels da’ SAME no matter who ya are! it is what it is…how one chooses to percieve it does make a difference…but if u have evr had the FLU or broken a bone! well u know the pain! an when that kind of pain persists 24/7 80% of ur weeks,,,well the other 20% trying an attempting to do thngs which are “FUN” is a hard thing to do!
So, off the soapbox now…after another morning an day of being sick – emotionally – physically an spiritually! All one can really do is Keep ON Keepin on …stay focused on the moment! move slowly an graceefully,,,with determination to kick the disease….an even laugh at things that are not so fun! cuz one truly realizes that being happy is the best ingredient goin to help keep one having fun! being positively positive..instead of positively negative! helps enourmously!
To have a bit of faith an determination that things will get better! is the only way one can truly lewk at things if they feel chronically ill or sick! the way i see it!…so no matter what till the day my body decides to get the best of me an the ego of pain wins over the mind! i shall have a mind to have as much fun as i possibly can! however i can…
I do know one thing for sure…getting drunk is not an option…nor drugging myself to death either! to excape my personal reality, is why i smoke my bud an move on ahead “ON DAY AT A TIME – SUMTIMEZ “ONE MINUTE @ A TIME” MYT QUEST IS NOT TO EXCAPE MY PERSONAL REALITY BUT ALL THE DIFFERENT I AM WANTING TO AN WISHING TO ALLOW MY PAINS TO BE LESSONS FOR THE FUTURE…WHATEVR THAT IS!! Maybe in my next life i wont carry this Disease to the future with me? who knows.all in the days of suffering frum INTERNAL INVISIBLE ILNESSES THAT CAUSE RADICAL PAIN!…

So: Things i believe One Should Do Every Day if u have PKD , degenerative bone disease. Fibromyalgia & Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
Take Your Medications & Supplements (if prescribed)
Eat Something Healthy (or drink at the very least)
Get Plenty of Serious Rest.
Exercise as much as one can: if Possible
Love & Laugh as much as possible!

Realize alcohol is not the answer!
Fight in a gewd way fer ur life – if ya can!

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Accept it an take it responsibly without killin’ urself! over it!
Enjoin with all the gewd things one can while one can!

Is well, all i can say bout this subjekt today..for every day is a new day ..an well, tomorrow jest might be a better day! so attempt to lewk forward to it with that in mind.  NO matta HOW MUCH ONE HURTZZZZZZ!

OVER AN OUT FRUM da’ Q

and also: remember If u suffer frum thingz such as i do jest remember one thing very simple to say but hard to realize.
“THIS TOO SHALL PASS!” jest like any storm should!

an life is only temporal truly..

it’s jest a matter of time what life turns into!