Whether er not 2 he still has 2 go inevetibly so lol

Welp, no matter what the weather is doing he must drive across the 4 corners 3 times a week now like it is a job so………without hesitation!…it’s a job {she} says…an da’ satisfaction comes in knowing ya made it home alive

“one more day”

Although i do not earn $$$ i simply earn life by being able to accomplish going to my dialysis….My arm is sore! a lot…an  Sumtimes i becomes light headed!….(not good) is where it is good when {SHE} sumtimes takes the wheel! lol….i can only hope anyhow…she will be takin’ the wheel a lot in the future!…

     I think i need a car like the airplane i used to fly… one that has 2 sets of controls or yeah like my trike; where either person on board can take control of the aircraft….it would be pert kewl…….

     Have thought a lot how to design such a car in the garage in the spare time sumday ..

sumday if i got the time…i have the car…jest need the time an the $ for the parts lol…oh! an the health also?…..

   ~~~~White knucklin it! river on da’ right road on da’ left~~~~


we shall see what i am capable of doing in the near future…….would be a fun projekt that will prolly never happen anyhew now…although it would be jest the ticket an helpful cure for a simple problem 4 a guy like me..with occasional…..{LATHARGY}

..So that way if i were driving with {her} or anyone else, when it came upon me… instead of me having to pull over an take a break if i were alone…{she} could jest take over an get us to our destination safely!………..


I am enjoying every 130 mile round trip i take to Durango more an more in a way!…i am forced to get out an see the world a bit and to be a part of it instead of laying in pain at home…it is becoming like a 3 day a week job & it is helping me feel better also……..i no longer wake up with morning sickness as often as i used to it used to happen a lot!…kicked this 60 yr old guys arse down a bit it did…..polycystic kidney disease an dialysis..now i seem to be eternally tired an worn out…..whew!..

..But what i do so possibly think is? I have to question how long i can …not only afford to but …..simply physically be able to keep on keepin’ on driving myself?…. that’ll be the day huh…when king driver has to be driven a lot 😦 So, it’s on with the dialysis 3 times a week for life..wheew what a trip really….Rain – Snow – er shine..is a must do program now that i cannot escape, and now retired guy here cannot retire ever!  it is what it is! thats bout it!…a new full-time JOB fer’ LIFE!..


Never thought my life would end up this way really …

    So, anyhow in the future i see {her} kicking my ass into shape again ..and also being my right arm..an doing some of the driving….i pray {wait} lol bout this one a lot these days…cuz i know i am aging …one day @ a time lol …an jest have to learn how to rely on others for help @ i have been the last couple of months……without i guess…i would simply die within weeks the doctors say….


     A note to ALL whom have helped me get thru this last month in all ways….socially, spiritually, financially, physically an in every other creative way that has come about…dis’ has been a sure course in miracles for me!…Thanks so very much to all of u whom have lended a hand in any way to mr. weed here!!! i shall be 4 ever eternally grateful for ya all! – an i would have failed if i did not have ur help ! thats a fact so thank UUUUUU!


You know whom ya are………so between him an them an he an she well, i have been literally saved by many others this time round! frum my lady to family an friends! and all the wunderful doctors an nurses in the 4 corners that have layed thier hands on me! I than  YOU!

    STAy safe 2 one an all frum da’ Q dis here ol moonsoon season in da’ rockies…..the most fun time of the year to me…Summertime storms an whatnot daily weather changes are phenomenal and fun to experience. In one way er another……..

      so once AGAIN thanks to  anyone whom has helped me to stay alive as of lately!….@ life is what it is fer each an evry one of us…all one can do is go along an do life .one day @ a time …sumtimes one minute at a time…and do the best one can!

in Q’s life it is a fight an a job jest to stay alive! yep!

a full time job it is staying alive now!!!

wtf? ever happened to retirement i guess i don’t get that! geez!

Namaste’ to one an all frum the world of da’ Q …aka mike in colorful colorado!

🙂 ………….. 🙂




a FISTULAGRAM or a PlastiOgram

BELIEVE IT ER NOT!:)well; it’s true an it hurtz 2  😦 geez….An Whats a FISTULAGRAM or a PlastiOgram?

……..it be bout like being hit in the arm by this train! lol


..da’ before dialysis investigatation breakfast 8:00 am choo-choo time.

The Durango Silverton Daily line!.

COOL! ya say well not so cool 2 me dis past week…….an stuff! jest keepsa’ happening bout everything but my heart is broken now…an that’s a gewd thing :)……. ❤ an i ate a good breakfast an watched the train roll out of town!


Well; a fistulagram or a plastiogram..is another vein mapping lewk at my arm..where they inject dye into …an inspect all the damage an see if i have collapsed blood vessels or blood clots that are not healing!….oh did i say that it was also painful…and i needed a driver an could not drive for 24 ……..jeezzzzzzzzzzzz.

well the head nurse i had today was jest awesome..an i am sure i oput a smile on her face for the day!..i begged the doc to let me take her home with me an she’d be my driver …an medicare would pay for it but he wasn’t buying it lol..she jest laughed! was werth the taunt! haha……so this awesome young lady well, she stuck with me frum beginning to end an made all the diff in the world, i was venturing into..a werld of pain an sensations i hadn’t evr felt whew! i will forevr be grateful for her kind an awesome an highly skilled services…………….wow she stuck me jest fine today………in the other arm that doesn’t even have the fistula.she did so awesome TWICE ……..once in da upper an a main one down by wrist for the IV! 🙂 ……
So, bruised up an bandaged up again i am ……….but the bruises are frum last saturday ..not today!…today i managed right fine.but my arm is like real heavY! pain level is bout a 6 .not as bad as it was for the last week recovering frum the infiltrations ….out of 14 dialysis days…i have had 11 days of it werking …an 3 fails………..so lets see if after this heals an i go back to dialysis they will do better next time round with me…….when i go back to my 3 days a week routime..
This week i meet with the transplant services team an see what i have to do to qualify for a transplant! we shall see……i will prolly need dental werk an skin problems cured by then they say ….so another we shall see….an next week or so i get to meet the gurls with the knives lol…..who want to cut me up in 5 places for basil cell skin cancers……..so much fun….an now my nissan blows a power steering belt an runs hot now an i have to fix.an my truck is still broke also….frum a collision with an elk on night at 55 mph!…So, if i feel like it i will werk on it the next few days.an hopefully get a back-up gong here for transportation!..My live donor is all for it an we are of similar genetics so i believe it will possibly werk..another we shall see deal…an coming up with the $$$ to get her to denver etc etc whan the time arrives an afford her the meds necessary to make it all compatable an also me 2 the meds are something we might not be able to afford without a donate er fund me page..another we shall see huh!
Okay .jest an update fer all my friends that i know that follow me.an anyone else that might care. ThanX for reading me ! an well, on that Exact note an thought…i have been asked by a couple of people how they can help me financially for offering my blogs for re-post etc etc an photos for free… an so i believe i will set up a donate button on my site for that in the days ahead …got a mystery check in the mailbox yesterday an sure was a blessing to be thought of! ur jest 2 kewl for skewl….thank you!…You know who u are!..Love ya ! ….
Peace-out an Namaste’ 2 one an all


frum da’ Quark…….





🙂 !aka.Mike in Colorful Colorado! 🙂



Whats Infiltration i was asked

welp today i was infiltrated for the second time in 10 days of dialysis treatments…totally sucks…had to go home without being dialysised…..

Well whats infiltration i was asked…..since this has happened twice to me ..i have been INFILTRATED an was not able to get my dialysis done…an have a seriously bruised up arm 😦 is what it is 😦 oh well. tryin to keep sunny side up here 🙂

cheers frum da’ Q

🙂 🙂 🙂

Vascular access is the circulatory site that makes the connection between the patient’s circulation and the hemodialysis machine possible. Blood is pulled out of the body by the blood pump through the vascular access. The pump will then force the blood through the dialyzer and back to the patient’s bloodstream.

(A needle infiltration occurs when the needle dislodges from inside the vascular access during cannulation or during the dialysis treatment itself.)

Cannulation is the insertion of a needle cannula into a blood vessel to drain blood or administer blood back into circulation. When the patient has an infiltration, blood may leak outside the access into the surrounding tissues. Because of this, swelling and pain may be felt around the area. While the patient’s access will continue to function, having an infiltration will cause a lot of discomfort. It may become bruised, swollen and the area may feel firm to touch. There are two basic types of vascular accesses that need to be cared for by a dialysis technician. Each of which can become infiltrated. While both have their own strengths and weaknesses, the type to be used will always be patient-dependent.

The Arterial-Venous (AV) Fistula – The AV fistula uses the patient’s native vein and artery to make a connection. A fistula is usually situated in the patient’s upper or lower arm. When the link is made, the artery’s higher pressure pushes blood into the vein. After a few months, the vein will become larger and its walls will become thicker. The blood from these vessels can then be used for dialysis. The fistula normally matures in about 4-6 weeks. When this happens, it will now be possible to insert two needles for treatment. One needle will be used to pull blood from the patient’s body through the dialysis tubing. The blood will then flow through the dialyzer, filtering it in the process. Clean blood will be returned to the patient’s body through the second needle. The AV fistula is the most popular type of internal vascular access for hemodialysis. Since it doesn’t utilize foreign material to make, it is less likely to become infected or clotted. It is also more flexible because it is made of native tissues. When well-cared for by a dialysis technician, the AV fistula will provide the patient with better dialysis, resulting to better prognoses. Unfortunately, there are still risks involved. If a fistula may not develop successfully, a graft will then be utilized. or a direct catheder to the chest! permanently!


Needle infiltration of fistulae is more common in older patients and with new fistula. These infiltrations result in numerous procedures, as well as prolongation of catheter dependence for more than 3 months

The furst time this happened to me was when they could not re-insert the needle that had slipped out! an today well, was when they were trying to insert the first one into the fistula!…

an secondary conclusion is an I WISH LOL>>>>>PIC!

A Sabatical Sunday

Twas a sunday sabaticle for like 2 weeks plus now..
Indeed…..an well not a lota activity at all at my site since i was gone…

Ever now an again someone re-blogsd my stuff or someone will re write something i have written lol also…an ever now an again i will get a day where i get hundreds of web views….an then another day where web page views are rarely read by anyone at all….is a trip how the web werks an also how people werk..who cares bout who etc etc….
Seems as when i post a lot i get a lotta traffic …but well the last couple weeks i have not had internet!….and i am now very busy…jest attempting to SURVIVE!…yes survive…..
In order for me to survive now i have to do kidney dialysis 3 times a week now…if not they say sure thing i will die….so i have been on this mission for the past couple of weeks…an is quite the routine…Since my dialysis machine is an hour plus away….I have to drive 130 miles every other day to be able to accomplish this…GAS alone is like killing me now 😦 financially…i am not a rich person an do not charge for my photos or the internet i have…. am thinking a fundme site might be apprapo in this kinna situation …now the medications they are going to give me are going to cost me more than i can afford!…Is a trip ….they say ..well give ya dialysis an even a new kidney…but well, u have to pay for transportation an getting the donor to ya etc etc an even pay fopr the expensive meds to take to make ya solvent an match when the operation is done…so what is a poor guy supposed to do to make that happen…i am not really to sure cept i need to be able to accomplish that or i well die soon…..is all there is to it…..I can’t be living on the edge of life for the rest of my life even though i live on the edge literally! lool…….HAH so only in america huh! land of the free……….well….I have not freedom any more…i am locked into the medical dialysis system till i get a new kidney or i die…so i believe i shell start a fundme website for my kidney werld…4 WHATEVR IT COULD BE WERTH..YA NEVER KNOW IS ALL I KNOW……but what i do know an realise is that time is well….all anyone ever has got …..HOWMUCH? no one really knows……but in my werld i want to get as much time out of life as i possibly can!…
I need my new kidney an need to get back that freedom once again…even if it is only for a few years er whatnot …every minute of every day NOW MEANS A LOT TO THIS GUY!……1 in 20.000………
So —- heree it is back to werk with the rife machine….werkin on me skin cancers…..they did 13 biopsies a couple of weeks ago…an they want to do sugery on like 5 er 6 spots….well..they gave me the name of the type of cancer it is so i am attacking it with the rifemachine right now to see what happens.will keep ya all posted……

My arm left arm with the fistula is very bruised an sore right now…last saturday was a fail…poking an poking an not being able to get the needle into the upper blood vessel……..so was a fail that day….an could not do dialysis….last run here though …the head nurse was in control…an took over an did it herself …an last round werked…so i am on round seven next time round……..five successful dialysis treatments…an one fail….so we shall see what the future has in sore right.
Twas an up[date to let anyone that knows me personally what is happening now!….an over coming the depression that comes with this program an disease…well, thats a whole nother post!
Take care evryone …an keep a positive attitude no matter what ..it could be werse….WHATEVR IT IS IN UR ARENA ER MINE!….

Finding balance in these times is most important for me right now in my lifes jurney!….accepting change an going with the flow an not resisting it .WHATEVR IT IS AT THAT POINT IN TIME LOL!….may i know change is also always happening an to make the next best correct choice in that change an may u so do the same also! ..hoping that the power of the human spirit an prayer an fortitude will pay off is all one that has a serious dysfunction can hope for..accused condemned blessed or not whatevr it is in whatevr fashion ones own past…is what to do with the future that counts…no matter whom ya be!..Namaste’ to one an all………
Quite a humbling experience this is for a tough guy not so tough no more livin’ on da’ edge of life…..today was hard…2 say the least felt like real wimp….an my arm is all hurt an bruised up now…an they say i’lll get used to it.bah humbug to that i want my new kidney! asap……….this is hard to do every other day……whew…..an round 7 now done …time fer recovery once again..is what it is!!!!!!!!

take care evryone that reads me


Then Came da’ Internet

Then there was this thing called the internet! wow………..This is an awesome landmark lol…

I now have 900 posts an all on one web page imagine that…IT JEST GOES ON AN ON AN ON AN ON LOL…Quarksire.com LoL….

so becomes another long article by the Q…read it er not have a splendid day! Er eve’ dependin’ on what part of the world ya reside upon 🙂 ………. 🙂

Than there was the intranet…er internet! Er what ..oh ic …THE WEB!



and the whole world changed overnight, has been quite a journey for all those old enuff to know…an remember the days of the black an white tv an tv antennas strung out all over the world on everyone’s houses…I saw it coming in the back of my mind an i did not invest? well got to let that go now…an let all the investments that i did have once upon a time also go..the successess that became a failure.
My problem is i out spend myself…. i was taught to do that ever since a kid…ok heres how the system werks..an ya borrow… got my furst real bank loan when i was like 13 an i was off an running lol…FOR MY FURST CAR A VOLKSWAGEN BUG I GOT FOR 400 BUCKS.
well many years later an i sit here an type as fast as i can think…but i do cheat i lewk at the keys…so anyhow..a lot of my errors in language that have become part of my particular language ..the language of the twisted Q well, comes frum where the keys are on the keyboard an jest went frum there once upon a time..lol
Back to that! yep ; so go with the flow..what a hard thing to do in todays fast paced werld, is amazing at how fast everything really does go…
Back; to the point …this internet thing, well is pert amazing thing that has happened in my lifetime an changed everything i ever thought bout destiny time an space also..in so many many ways…

Projekts galore but lewk at da happy place without boundries 🙂

The internet has brought me multitudes of acquaintances – good – bad – indifferent – ugly- an beautiful also; have quite a variety of people I would have never met without the net.
Because of the net i have had both good an bad things happen over the years…lol i owned a couple of domain names once upon a time that i gave up an well, years later became a hit. So ya never know..i had no clue simple words like that would make me rich?..well live an learn? i’m the kind of learn by fail a lot…is how i got to be good at riding my bike etc etc an flying etc etc is by failing, when ya do ya remember not to do that again an move forward without hesitation to get a better grip on whatevr it is ya are doin’….point is sumtimes repetition is is best left alone, thata way ya don’t keep learnin’ the wrong things over an over ? right, well an old man jimmy weldon once told me that ..(he was the voice of the little yeller duck once upon a time in cartoons, yaky-do-little, the duck that couldn’t find his mama:)  he used to give motivational speeches at seminars etc etc……anyhow. he said..move forward without hesitation…was his motto an also now mine to this very day…on the side cover of my motorcycle in chinese LOL the characters are kewl lewkin what can i say..it means moving forward without hesitation!…an the other side cover on the other side means infinity!….
Anyhow ..the internet has taken me to far lands, taken me to peru a few years back…an thats when i guess ya would say i found MYSELf an found out who i really was, an has ben a long journey evr since to try to heal the past in my body, havin a hard time with the pkd thing though it is hereditary an in the genetics,,,,an well is a terminal disease, an i have had a hard time coming to grips with that a lot over the past few years also..is what it is…life is terminal indeed…I jest want to extend mine a bit! Is all!
Anyhow The point of this blog is that i would not even be sitting right where i am right now if not for the internet!..an Dr. Royal Rife….In so many many ways it changed my destiny an fates etc etc …an changed my life, also has extended it …Because, ..it is because of this internet thing well, I have met a person that well, helps me emotionally an spiritually to stay alive an gives me something to look forward to every day…so for that I thank the internet…an pomp an circumstance an my higher power knowing what is right an correct an somehow sending me to this person….is perty amazing how the connections have happened over the years indeed because of this thing called the INTERNET or INTRANET! Q is ❤ 🙂  In love again because of he internet!…. 🙂

Anyhow right now, it appears it’s a rigged system to make evry0ne blame it on themselves an be in fear it is i tell ya…why that is i am not sure but is very prevalent in this werld we live in…so may thieves an liars etc etc…ya don’t really know who ya can trust these days…so many scams an versions of scams for $ also an so many people getting ripped off all the time cuz they are too dumb to know any better sorry to say but that is a fact…Phishing scams are the werst an people have to be very aware of that an malware also…viruses not so much anymore though….my rule there is if ya don’t want the virus don’t invite it in …Like the damn pneumonia shot they gave me that gave me the shit wtf?….an they want to give me a flu shot! lol…yeah lets see how tough ya are bud..well, it would prolly kill a guy like me now. So flu shots out of the question for this guy!

Back to the internet!….when the human mind catches up with quantum teck…then is when we will see lotsa overnight changes also, an that is not to distant in the future, as the Q here does know The matrix of the mind is pert much unexplored by most people! true story…how many people do u know are travelers, an play with in that sphere called the matrix – an yes very similar to the movies version!….So anyhow…thanks to the internet an Dr.Royal rife…i am here today to be able to type whatver it is i am about to type to ya here!…..an whats really weird bout it is in the end its so much about just remaining on the right frequency range for that which one is doing in life to make it happen….Survival for a while longer is my key as of late; although i know my time is limited if i do not get on dialysis soon and of also get a new used kidney soon also…any way i lewk at it i am a goner soon enuff…An well I love lIfe an Love who i have become also…cept for this dis-ease PKD..totally sucks…very few readers know what i am talking bout cuz it is a rare renal disease…but is horrendously painful …an not a fun way to pass the time after ur 45 er so….by the time ur 60 like me it has either kicked ur ass or ur dead, unless ya are on dialysis..or got a new kidney : an that might give me another 10 er so if i am lucky enuff 🙂
So; Thats totally amazing to me how destiny an time bends an things that were or could have been are not etc etc…i could write a book of stories bout how one drunk night changed the destiny an fate of everything that ever happened to me since, wow…but it did…an how being late by one minute changed everything once upon a time, or bout how being in the wrong place at the wrong time a lot gets one in trouble, another book to write there lol…i could spend the next 20 writing for fun i do so believe if the H.P. will jest allow that to happen…..

so i do not know how it will all come about really….lucky i am only moderately thousands in debt an owe less than 20, grand on my house! yeahaa…hoping i live to see the day when i get it paid off!.my mortgage..jeez..(Mortgage = death note) yep I guess huh!.is a struggle every month with this PKD thing going on now ….It has been like i have had the flu bout every 2 weeks for the past 7 er 8 years solid..truly sucks …comes an goes ya have ur good days an ya have ur bad….is not a fun cycle to get wrapped up in but is what it is…cuz the kidneys do not filter properly…well my creatinine level is 8.0 now has doubled in the last year an they usually have ya on dialysis before it gets to the point mine is at now….i am poisoned pert bad! so to speak…trying to keep it as clear as possible i am…wish i could jest become where i could live on water an air alone that’d be cool…but won’t happen….anyhow off subjekt now…is easy to do …but back to the point is what i hope to get or acquire because of the internet! who knows might even be a new kidney!….so only time will tell….
Just to keep my friends round the world bout 6 weeks later they can start dialysis to get my systems cleaned up….not sure how i am going to handle it financially to drive to durango 60 miles away 3 times a week for the next 6 months er what not without the income to support that!? so…………….don’t have a clue what the future will behold …but do know i am gettin tired of typing this an ur prolly gettin’ tired of readin’ me today if u subscribe to me by mail sorry for the long post-it…but i’m not really…..sorry is such a dreadful word ain’t it yep…got to stop using it…i do!

Anyhow grateful i do have readers that will read a post-it like this anyone with any great ideas for my continued existence on this planet please let me know…..

other than that take care allz.good night or good day wherever ya might be on this planet of ours!..


Brought 2 u by da’ Quantum Quarked one Q

aka mike in colorful colorado!…that is when the snow melts.jeezzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Watz a Fistula? Q is asked

DA’ FISTULA PIC!..1st access failed..so second is where it is at..read on for more info…….

wats a fistula they say an ask to me all the time;? heres an explanation @ best @ possible for yaz..I also have been doing lotsa research…So frum what i have learnt bout my fistula is this…# 1 it hurts like a s.o.b. right now. But i will get over it eventually it will become part of my body…..but has only been a few days after the new setup has been done to my artery an my vein structure! . ….this is how it werks ….

A fistula is what your vascular surgeon constructs by “joining an artery to a vein”.

It keeps a direct opening to your veins. This allows an even greater amount of blood to pass through the vein and allows your dialysis to proceed efficiently. In the weeks after surgery, the fistula begins to mature. The vein increases in size and may look like a cord under your skin. The whole process of maturation, which is a beneficial feature that permits the blood flow to increase in the fistula, typically takes 3 to 6 months. Some fistulas may take as long as a year or more to develop fully, but this is unusual. Once matured, a fistula should be large and strong enough for dialysis technicians and nurses to insert the large dialysis needles easily. If it fails to mature in a reasonable period of time, however, you may need another fistula….hopefully that’s not the case for mikey here….

To perform the surgery, your physician joins a large vein under the skin to an artery nearby. The physician divides your vein and sews it to an opening made in the side of the artery. As a result, the blood flows down the arteries into the hand, as usual, and also some of this faster moving blood flows into the veins that lead back to your heart. The blood that normally traveled in your divided vein goes back to the heart through other veins, and there is usually plenty of blood remaining in your artery to supply your hand. Is why my left hand is tingling a lot an numb still in the fingers cuz some circulation has been robbed i guess….doc says it is not enuff to matter ..so okay…

Hemodialysis cleans blood by removing it from the body and passing it through a dialyzer, or artificial kidney. The dialyzer is a filter with two parts: one for blood and another for dialysis fluid, called dialysate. The filter between these two parts has very small pores, allowing some tiny particles to pass through. The particles that are filtered include the toxins that need to be removed from the body such as urea, creatinine and potassium, while larger blood cells and protein the body needs cannot pass through. The filtered blood is then returned to the body.

The process of removing blood from the body, filtering it and returning it takes time. Hemodialysis treatment usually takes three to five hours and is repeated three times a week.

The type of access a person has is important for getting the best dialysis possible. There are three types of access: catheter, arteriovenous (AV) graft and arteriovenous (AV) fistula..and well i got the fistula in my left arm…They were going to put it i by my wrist but after the furst incesion the main vein collapsed an they had to move the spot toinside my elbow….

Arteriovenous (AV) fistula for hemodialysis

A fistula used for hemodialysis is a direct connection of an artery to a vein. Once the fistula is created it is a natural part of the body. This is the preferred type of access because once the fistula properly matures and gets bigger and stronger; it provides an access with good blood flow that can last for decades. Yeahaa lol…. After the fistula is surgically created, it can take weeks to months before the fistula matures and is ready to be used for hemodialysis. People with kidney disease can do exercises including squeezing a rubber ball to strengthen the fistula before use.
Fistula — the gold standard access…they gave me a kidney to squeeze…an said it was okay to excercize my wrist with the clutch lever on morotcycle ..so kewl 🙂 @ least sumptin is werkin right…

The National Kidney Foundation (NKF), Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS), DaVita Patient Citizens (DPC) and other organizations and experts generally agree that fistulas are the best type of vascular access. Low rates of complications, clotting and infection all contribute to the fistula’s reputation as the “gold standard” of vascular access.

Dialysis experts also generally agree that the safest and longest lasting of the access types is the AV fistula. Because a fistula is made by connecting a vein to an artery, the vein becomes bigger allowing for increased blood flow. The fistula is created from natural parts of the body and can be repeatedly “stuck” to perform hemodialysis treatments.

A fistula is the “gold standard” because:

It has a lower risk of infection than grafts or catheters
It has a lower tendency to clot than grafts or catheters
It allows for greater blood flow, increasing the effectiveness of hemodialysis as well as reducing treatment time
It stays functional for longer than other access types; in some cases a well-formed fistula can last for decades
Fistulas are usually less expensive to maintain than synthetic accesses

While the AV fistula is the preferred access, there are some people who are unable to have a fistula. If the vascular system is greatly compromised, a fistula may not be attempted. Some people have had fistulas surgically created, but the fistula never matured; therefore, could not be used. Some of the drawbacks of fistulas are:

A bulge at the access site that some people feel is unattractive, well no matter 2 me…
Taking several months to mature…okay as long as it werks…
Sometimes never maturing at all…praying for mine to mature properly! is all i can do an by the looks an feel of it it is progressing jest fine.

so this is supposed to be much better than the old skewl method used in the 70’s..catheters an older teck in machinery also ..the dialysis units themselves are light years above the ones of the 80’s etc etc…..

the next 4-6 weeks are weeks for healing 4 me 🙂 an affirmation for me…an Prayers that my fistula keeps functioning properly an matures as it is supposed to…typing on the keyboard here is quite a werkout for the left arm really…so i have to take it bit at a time right now ..little steps..yeah baby steps..

also, is a matter of somehow pulling together the resources i need to fix my transportation an set up an gear up my life for trips 3 times a week 120 miles round trip when that time comes….@ soon as the fistula is healed …an ready to use….something like the pic below will be my home 3 times a week 4 hrs plus each visit…Guess i will get a lotta reading done! and or spend those 4 hours in lala land as my meditation time 3 times a week 🙂 however it be will be something i have to do ..do doubt about it an no fail…? is for me is how to get to there frum here is all…when everything takes cash an ya live on a limited income an ya have sold most evrything ya can that would get ya by into the future…….
To check see that my fistula is werking properly i have to check a few times a day to make sure i can feel the “THRILL” lol …the pulse ya can feel in the fistula …lets ya know it is werking properly…is weird feeling ur heartbeat as a vib in ur left arm…an they call it the “THRILL?” listening to ur own beat…wunder what doc came up with calling it that…..

Anyhow is what it is… I am healing frum ..having the fistula Installed…..and am looking forward to the day actually when i can plug in an start getting my blood filtered properly! once again…an getting back to feeling “normal” whatevr that is ..been a lotta years lol…so the next 6 weeks is about staying alive without having my blood filered an having the toxins build up as they do evr so often…over an over it has been happening for years,, an even though my motto is crashing is not an option? well i crash evr so often cuz my body gets finally toxic an i go down for the count till they stabalize my blood again ussually with a jar er 2 of saline.. because i get also de hydrated …when i crash..an my bp goes sky high……docs are trippin though ..cuz i am able to keep a grip now on my B.P> Blood pressure…which has been in the dangerous level for quite some time..well, i have stabalized it to almost normal…last reading the other day was 130 over 70..bout time …usually i am in the 140’s to the 90 or more @ a norm…….so is good for me to get it down …

Okay take care everyone…Hope this article here was educational to ya if ya never knew what a fistula was….thats what the Q is going thru.whoo hoo…..yeahaa huh! .such @ life .HA!….
PS: THERE ARE many different kinds of kindey malfunctions an disease…the kind i have affects approximately 1 in 600,000 people….so is not that common..but world wide that adds up to a lotta people suffering like me to the same degree or werse…so my prayers for all of them for whatevr its werth ..still everyone goes PKD WHAT never heard of it?….wow is all i can say…jest another day …been kickin my arse down for over 10 years now it has been ..this PKD!…
Next great adventure is i gotta go get a brainscan mri to check see if i have any unruptured anuyersisms …which i am thinking of opting out of because well if i did have any unruptured ones i would have head aches like my dad did…which i did not have? so I don’t think i need to get radiated thata way unless there is a problem..cuz the radiation itself could even cause a prob…when they say that 60% of all cancers of the 20th century exist because of abnormal radiation like X-rays inapproitely directed etc etc…so this one will be ? A question in the mind of Q for the future…
Right now time to heal an get better! an make this fistula thing werk ..an help the “team” they are going to assemble for em to implant a new kidney when the time can come …a few years over due they say they are for me but they are going to go for it anyhow…since now i have the Medicare to pay for it …ha all bout $$$$ yeah right they wouldn’t help me years ago cuz i had no insurance or medicare…but my doc did help me get on disability which took years ..but that barely covers living expenses…so what does one do asks the Q..hm? will keep ya posted! Namaste’ …an over an out till then…………………


if ya want to read the rest of the original inspiring article click here…below

Know thyself – cuz Ya Never Know!

  So whats the point he said she said??? there are 2 many points to this subjekT! lol.
although it is mostly bout what one loves…whatevr that is!…

Ten years ago i loved what i thought was an angel ? only to find out after months that the angel loved the devil more than life itself…what do i mean buy the devil..”D evil” well to me definition of EVIL is simply ..anything that is opposite to LIVE in thinking..an well the “devil;” lol..has to be …against lived.or da’ live…….

then 3 years laters the same kind of scenario trips up my life to no end….by another so-called angel, one i have a hard time forgiving for not being an honest human an taking me for Time, energy, money, direction and sending me into a downward spiral emotionally for years! 😦 Yeah that was love ……I am still today at this moment paying for that wunderful adventure….guess i was cheap entertainment 4 a year o the internet, an a few months sex for her…whatevr is all i can say now…cuz i have to accept that there are people who are against live….an all out for themselves in evry way? money wise though being the most important to these kinda lovers it is more important than all the fears that they behold in life$$$$…..so much for angels…..
So, point of this is one thing . “YA NEVER KNOW” bout anything or anybody really truly.i did not choose for them to be selfish or greedy or to rip me off for cash an time an life an emotions whatever 4?..or do ya bout them?..? or do we jest have to make better choices? wtf? i do not know what the answer is but my present relationship does not exhibit or even come close to or have any tendencies to be against live…an definitely is not against lived, because her lived is what makes her that person that she is today!…..

well one in many millions to me my lady is…nothing of the sort or kind against live…wtf for she says…why be against ur life? an if ya are well ur close to suicide…i guess…anyhow an against live Evil…why be that now when what we have lived brought us to be who we are today? why join up with the “devil” against lived an whom is Evil? …..what on earth for really? $$$$$ in the end with these greedy selfish people…they do not care what the causal effects of their taking frum u for their own personal benefit…very cold an self centered in my book of life ..unto death when we part! yep!…as they walk round talking bout how they notice all the self centered people etc etc? like wtf..Hippocratic to the max i see in so many people these days…hurting on others? finding humor in it an then saying they are innocent in all their false judgements an taking frum ya?…

BACK 2 the POINT! YA NEVER KNOW!….I simply want to live an love …simple right…..LIFE!

what is it ya never know…well, lotsa things in this life of pomp an circumstance, good choices vs. bad etc etc fate er destiny? which is it an why? YA WILL PROLLY never know where ya come frum really….other than jest one thing really …love an desire to live! that’s bout it!…other than that ya prolly will never know ? when fate ? destiny? luck bad er good? or pomp or circumstance by being in the wrong place at the wrong time??? Fact; some things an people in my life will be part of my infinity 4 one reason er another!


WELL? YA NEVR KNOW …BOUT ANY OF THAT IT JEST IS WHAT IT IS AN WILL BE WHAT IT IS ALSO? MY point is a LOT OF IT IS SIMPLY ABOUT CHOICE; why should human being be so inconsiderate to others as to take a child of theirs away frum them an not ever let that child see them after 6 years of life? moving to another part of the state? an disappear…but on the back side of life stalk ya for $$$?.an reprogram the child with nonsense!….why would sumeone go nuts an kill my lady and her father an rape her an steal car an money an drive off 500 miles away to then kill a group of 4 in a campground ???wtf? then when they find this guy an pull him over he puts his cig out in the middle of his forehead? before they take him off to jail? nope he wasn’t drunk or on drugs either ..jest a crazy who should not have been let out on parole but was an ex-murder who should have never been let out? as far as i am concerned in the furst place ..system failure to me…an welp is bout it..the whole good system is collapsing upon itself cuza the bad? is a trip how society as a whole don’t want to get a grip an get along, truly sad really……so wtf is what i am saying to U today is ya NEVER KNOW when shit will or can happen in ur life…My experience though is that if ya fear the crazy people they will be attracted to ya…so HAVE NO FEAR! ..most important though is one has to KNOW THYSELF an be able to get a grip when crazy shit does happen in their life…….
Why would someone intoxicated to the max choose to take a drive with the 4 year old in the car to the races! lol. such alcoholic stupity auctually!..@ well @ i know by personal experience an everyones is different because of choices of habits..once again i choose today LOVE instead of fear!..(an alcoholism).(escapisms) an ism’s in general!
but really ! Ya NEVER KNOW ..either after the habits ya might choose in life what will become of it or because of the HABIT! everything bout ya changes 4 ever…cosmic cosmology in a sense to me is where one recognizes that happening in their life! that is to be lived! once ya turn round ur perception and analysis an stop being a selfish human as the doers that hurt ya well, ya see the HABITS one chooses are of most important to their very own existence an life itself! in all and every ways everything is bout HABIT! an choosing the correct ones…ya only got so much room in ur brain an so much time in ur life so depending upon the HABITS u choose is what will become the outcome in this standpoint alone…..

So on that note well, i have in my lifetime learned to choose certain habits that were good for me rather than badhabits that were good for me rather than bad! habits like my addiction to flying, driving, Riding an experiencing FUN things….an doing my photography,..to old to scare the shit out of myself an rock climb though lol…been there done that badge..an i got hurt more than once doing it…so having an addictive personality an having healthy habits is a good thing! in Q’s book of life….over the years i have traded my BAD habits for so called better or gooder habits lol…as a child would say!…an for that fact i am grateful ..i have chosen to not disengage frum my personal reality anymore..which i did every day 4 about 26 years as a functioning alcoholic an businessman in the worlds workforce…if i would have continued that HABIT of drinking i would have killed my self or another doing it …having to come to terms with that an quit was hard..very hard…but well, i am alive today because i do not drink..an as a result i can still fly my ultralight or drive my car or ryde my motorcycle to my hearts delight @ long @ i don’t get sick over my latest adventure with dis-ease an the bodys malfunction.my (PKD)..so is a dna flip and a genetic flaw they say that causes mine…as with many debilitating diseases, they are all jest a genetic flip…with different causes of symptom in different places based upon the flip…for 10 years now i have had my kidneys failing in a bad way an knew it ..they the kidneys in my abdomen are bout 4 times the size of the normal persons kidneys..maybe 5…covered with polycysts they are…an the cycts are spread all over in my abdomen also???oh did i say it hurts? …well has come to the point of dialysis…in my werld…an thats a whole nother post it…
THE point of this post it was to give preponderance to the fact that well….YA NEVER KNOW! ….bout anything really or anybody! as la live learn an grow ya know better..but that does not save ya frum the THEN…an point of that is ya forgive the THEN so ya can live in the now! even if someone ya knew 5 10 er 20 years ago is still negatively affecting ur mind with negative energy 😦

SO KEEP THE GOOD, IS ALL I CAN SAY….when in recovery..because…


all i can say is one should always keep hope in their higher power within themselves to pull them thru if they really want to get thru it..it is really tough ? indeed it is a lot to accept that some people are simply selfishly programmed an so addicted to their programming that they will never change…bred by fear live by fear so to say….therefore that is not love an my objektive as of late is one thing LOVE….an well till i die i am going to live my very own version of the great american dream…an hopefully fly an ryde an well, live an have fun with my love, an simply experience a few good fun things in life instead of focusing on the bad an the past …



Stayin’ Grounded when Lightnin’ Strikes in da’ Mind

****YES LIGHTNIN’ HAS STRUCK! ha….*** So Docs orders are a Fistula! .THEN A KIDNEY TRANSPLANT!
………………whats a Fistula ya say…????????

Well, it is one of 3 ways to access the body for dialysis….
fistulafirst.org will give ya the info if ya nevr heard of it…
My Kreatine level has reached a deadly point…to the point i have been
toxic to the levels that are not allowable for the normal human body…
My current stage is 8.5 and one year ago it was 4.0 so has doubled in the last year..also my kidneys have stopped filtering..so filtration rate is nill….so as a result i have collapsed twice in the past few weeks now…when that happens they check my rates an my Blood pressure is 230 over 140 an pulse is rapid over 130+….I usually end up vomiting an feeling like i am going to die before it gets werse….these bouts have been happening for years…but as of lately they happen daily now totally sucks….
What sucks is being stranded*** lol with no help fronm the outside….*** seems to be all bout a buck or 2 more to evryone in my werld these days……..DOC SAYS I AM TERMINAL IF I DO NOT GET DIALYSIS……an well.the dialysis can’t start till they do the fistula an it heals…So betweens now an that time is my critical stage in my life the way they put it…biding my time till the 24th when i go in for vein mapping an to set up to get the fistula installed in my arm…is where they join an artery an blood vessel to make a bigger one and an interface to be able to get the needle in to acess blood system to do dialysis………..CATCH 22″ it has to heal for bout 2 months before they can use it….So almost liquid type of diet here for this guy whom can’t filter anything rough no more….Is truly a one day at a time adventure for me here in my werld yes indeed!……
So since my wordpress editor won’t open i thought i’d share this one frum this last year bout stayin grounded…since well, that appears to be a big mission for me presently….All my life doin for others lol.an to get to this point where i need a helping hand…an it’s a boy who cried wolf kinna response i get frum those whom i seek help? i sincerely do not understand…the dog eat dog …mentality of those whom are all bout fear an materialism…duh whats that going to get them in the end i wunder? oh well,,,,,,,,,,The older we all get we know the end is near…the question is though? what can i do to help that inevitable end to last longer..even though i am in pain frum this disease…
Well Best news i have for my own personal world is i have a hell of a good relationship with a Lovely LAdy Friend whom….has helped me along the way Spiritually over the past year……an i feel indebted to her …but WELL…she has offered to give me one of her kidneys if we are a match should i be able to get to the point of the

TRANSPLANT WHICH IS IN ORDER # 2 ORDER FRUM THE DOC! A KIDNEY TRANSPLANT IN 2017 …or i stay on dialysis the rest of my life ….3 times a week 40 miles away? well, we shall see now an time will tell what hap[pens huh..


The art of awakening…or waking up should i say!?

groundedStayin Grounded is important when lightnin storms inside da’ mind!

AN STAYIN’ GROUNDED when Lightnin strikes! in da’ mind!… well,
when overwhelmed, sumtimes life being difficult, so it becomes life in the now.

With every new strike!…
to integrate the past into the future truly steals frum the now,,
challenges are inseparable frum being here in dis werld,,,
but do we have to exist in our past any more?
does living in the past help today?
well, the BAD” past i have not forgiven an released…comes back whenever i focus on da’ past! so cure 2 dat is every time a negative or “BAD” memory comes up i must forgive an forget it so it don’t get in my way of today an the future! an make irrational decisions…etc etc..every time i dive..so i don’t dive a lot anymore…Not seeking the…

View original post 576 more words

Good News Bad News in Quarksires World…hmmm

And that leadz me to this!!!! I got the WordPress Editor to open for the furst time in a month since they changed up on all the stuff here…an it accepts my colored text etc etc..will see laters if it takes a pic added…Well,,,,that was the good news….second bit of good news for 2016 for me is it is almost over…….Hoping many things i have talked bout over the years are werth something to someone along the line as they read my blogwerld here…Years ago i started blogging to help keep myself mentally healthy an share with others on the planet how i do that an also physically healthy to the best of my abilities, an everyones ability is different an some folks are jest capable of more than others depending upon the disability they have.

     I have written many post-its bout love an healing an moving forward without hesitation in life through out my blog werld here…each with an idea to help another to solve a particular problem they might have concerning that subjekt…or sumtimes jest to bring a bit of light of humor into ones day…

     !0 years ago i was told i had a short amount of time to survive on this planet…in the months..wouldn’t make it many years they said…Well.I have no surpassed the marker with my dis-ease that well…they say the normal person would be in bed 4 ever over….so i am doing pert good in my opinion…but doc says get things in order mikey…An has ordered me to do kidney dialysis….my level of kreatinin has risin to the level of 8.5 on the rickter scale…..

     Essentially my kidneys have stopped functioning as far as he is concerned…an they ordered an ultrasound for tuesday…all well an fine in a way…but they ordering me to dialysis which is 40 miles away an is 3 times a week an quite a commitment…i can make it but all 3 of my vehicles are broken down an have been since thanksgiving…living on disability suks when ya can’t jest fix the shit ya need to cuz ya don’t have enuff $$$ but is what it is so i stranded @ it is..werking on my course in a miracle..evry day in my life for the last 10 years it has been.i still here….

     MOrtgage means death note lol…an i only have a couple of years till its totally paid…now they tell its time to leave get my shit together..an my stuff in order for that happy moment..damn i was jest starting to have fun in this life…is a trip that when ya get to the point where it is alll werth while an all that was was werth while also…welll.the good news comes in? 😦 well, depends upon how ya lewk at it huh!…I myself like this life…an wish i could stay around for a while an intend to ….but ya never know really i guess the way i see it now..

     all i can do is hope an pray thati have had somethin to offer the ones that needed my help in recovery over the years ..frum whatevr the dis-ease might have been.hope i did a good job at helpin ya all get a better grip on some of the simple yet very complicated things on this planet…..One is love verses fear……….an i hope that love wins over in 2017 for one an allz that come across the whacked werld of Q here……….Yep There is a reason why i do this blog site an its not jest for my entertainment……or learnin But for YOURS!.Namaste 2 one an all frum the Q aka mike in southern colorado…..

PS: its gonna snow again tomorrow..! lol ya would nevr know we shall see…….

adios til next time Q……..!

INvisible Ilnesses… are More than a PAIN!….NOT “FUN!”

Had a post all ready bout people that are positively negative but poof an it went bye-bye. so u get this one instead!


INvisible Ilnesses.……….. are More than a PAIN!….NOT “FUN!”
Some times for the person with an invisible illness like mine, well, to write or talk bout it is not ordinary!… To deny that it exists sumtimes is the only way to exist with it! whatevr type of Invisible illness it might be. Fact is 9 out of 10 people on the planet do not have any idea what u are talking bout an 8 out of 10 simply do not care 😦 ..Sad but true…Most will not even read all the werds in a long blog like this to even understand what is being shared!
For many of those who read my blog werld will jest think i am on my soapbox of self pity an self derived problems, they can believe what they want now…judge me in thier own life of health!..an well, not be affected by anything i think or say!….blowing it off as my ego or my “little boy who cried wolf” syndrum, which is definitely not the case!….Jest ask robin williams how it feels to be the one that has to be HAPPILY in PAIN! an put on a mask evry day or minute one steps out into the werld an tries to relate! Being of service to others is a big help in helping with the pains, but does not make it go away!… jest gives one some sense of worth when they know every minute thay are going downhill!
If u are one of those that suffer? frum invisible dis-ease of any kind then u know what i am talking bout…Jest Because: one might not LOOK SICK ? well, the general assumtion is that one is jest fine…an that is not the case!
But, waking up physically sick or in pain 5 out of 7 days a week totally sucks an after a few years truly gets to a human spirit, believe me I KNOW…oh an they call me a know it ALL? or “THE KING OF PAIN!” 😦 What a JOKE: if i knew it all i could FIX the invisible pains i have, wouldn’t that be the case now huh!?
Well, Not the case…am lucky to be alive really, an well, My Grattitude an love for myself an others is what keeps me alive more than anything else. Besides attempting to get the body to operate on the correct FREQUENCY!….with the rife machine an human energy field werk!
I can be eternally thankful for the science of Bio_Energetic healing an the unPROVEN? science of HANDS ON HEALING! These 2 things have kept me alive to really truly see how bad things can really get! I wake up in the morning, sumtimes, feel as though i have the FLU: other times Feel like i Had got run over by a truck in my dreams!…Other times i wake up more tired than when i went to bed….My mind wants to go outside an do something “FUN” but well.can’t seem to put together the energy to do that all the time…Many times i spend 1/2 an hour er more jest being sick…sick to the point i am dizzy, sweating an vomiting over an over till i feel like i am going to die, feel like a child that has the flu uncontrollaby an can’t get a grip on it. After my 1/2 hour battle over FLULIKE symptoms…i go through a withdrawal of sorts, become chronically fatigued to the point where jest sitting here like this typing on my keyboard, makes me both HURT an Then depressed because of the HURT also…The doctors say MIND OVER MATTER NOW!..so i try an do as much as i can to do jest that….Until i have to take at least 5mgrams of oxycodone…Sumtimes more, over the next half hour or so i start to feel better an sumtimes not…Ya never know how its going to turn out really!…Yeah : lewk in the mirror an all seems OK, Right…well, not! The best way to deal with the pain in the end a lot is to jest smoke a bowl an go lay down again….Believe it er not i feel much batter afterwards….At least MY MIND has changed bout it!…so, yeas MIND OVER MATTER does werk a lot but not all the time…so i go on with my daily “routine” an know that “in the back of my mind” well, my body is still in pain!…an as soon as i focus on that or realize it well, things can go downhill frum there relatively easy! Ah but big breaths.right…….well, sometimes nothing helps but complete exapism frum how one feels!….is why they had me on Morphine for a while, but well a temporary cure it is in the end also!,,,,Morphine jest makes one internally sick an simply CRAZY in the end..cause nightmares an more convulsive activity in the end..Kinna like Booze! er jest like taking too much heroin..or pain killers…
So? what does one do….if they are like me or many others with pkd or fibromalgia or muscle pains or digenerative disk disease or brain pains or body aches that are not “NORMAL” but caused by a DIS-ease or imbalance of the integral system of our energy field an human bodies?

I wish it were as simple as a toothache where in the end ya can jest opull the ttoth an the pain goes away….well ya jest can’t pull the organs that are effected by this disease! or one would die, is all there is to it…so meanwhile one lives in INVISIBLE PAIN…..as people around ya ..sumtimes – the ones that notice..ask? wow whats wrong? with you?…when ur on the verge of crying 90% of the day. Can’t even bend over an tie shoelaces for years without hurting! ..Having to put on a mask in a way an “FAKE IT TILL ONE MAKES IT’ seems to become the normal way, even going to the store an doing shopping sumtimes becomes more of a challenge than a pain, trying to hold it all inside so no one sees how ya feel, using the shopping cart as a crutch to get round with an wear a hat a lot an lewk down quite a bit to hide the eventfull, ever flowing rush of tears! Sumtimes there is more pain in trying to be normal than jest crying it out!..but ya can’t be doing that in publik right…?
Because of the size of my kidneys an other organs that have growd due to this disease, i have a simulated “MORNING SICKNESS’ quite often. Like having a couple of babies inside pushing on all the organs it is…..after eating or when i wake up a lot!…After SWEATING that out an vomiting ur life away ; well, one feels half normal for a few hours…is part of the daily routine for many years now for me here…
To attempt to try to get someone to realize how much pain ya are in is FUTILE! furst you don’t look sick, so ya can’t possibly be sick right..well, how so very wrong they are the people that think that, to try to convince social security disability that i could not perform normally any more took lotsa years of off an on pains, loosing jobs over it etc etc.hospital visits galore!.not being able to even wake up being able to depend on being well enuff to werk? 😦 …then on top of that thay can’t understand how an why one would be depressed? when ya lewk so healthy huh!?….An in the end that jest makes on more depressed!? 😦 …WTF? a living dichitomy a lot it is! is what i know at this point!
Not being able to do the things which are enjoyable seems to make the depression even stronger! ya feel helpless an useless to even ur self…Ridiculed by family an friends for NOT BEING ABLE TO ” jest makes the depression feel deeper than ever also..they have no clue what it is to be in PAIN, And think it is SILLY for U to be so!?….
The word of the week for the wordpress weekly photo challenge is “FUN” an well, is “fun” mentally going an lewking at all the pics of people having FUN!..having to put aside any self pity for myself not being able to go out an have that same fun anymore! I used to think of my work as FUN! an tried to have FUN in everything i evr did, even if it was something i did not wish to do..was a way to over come the burden of doing those not so “fun” things…Mind over matter right…..positive energy over the bad right!!!!! well, it only goes so far when one is in pain 24/7…. .
Have ya ever had the feelin ya were like a fly in a glass bottle trying to find a way out!? knowing u can see the other side, an know where ya want to go – but not being able to get out! continually trying in a myriad of ways to get free, banging ur way against the glass every time ya think ya see a hole to fly out of!…then ya bounce off an right back into the bottle – not being able to get out!
Well, bones disintegrating, an nerves bundling up 😦 …an tightness in the field! eventually closes down on oneself, is my experience as time rolls on here…knowing my time is limited! i do every minute of evry day! is bout the way it is…so inspired to write this because the werd of the week was “FUN” well? is not so fun!..when the only real FUN one can have is in dreamland!……
So – at the funeral of mr. mikey here if they have one for me? well,? will they say i was a guy who liked to have fun..or will they say ..lucky him he is no longer in pain that caused his fun to not be fun!?
Will they even understand that my blog werld an my life the last few years was jest attempting to overide the pain with somethin i called fun!…trying an attempting to teach others what i have learned in life as to be the most valuable lessons..has been what it has been bout the last few years!…mentally that has been !FUN! yes indeed!
when i am not stranded by being broke paying for all that this has cost me, well ever now an again i can go fly or ride my bike or even take a hike,,,{still in pain} an call it fun! is the best temporary release i can get! to



A lot of people with fibromyalgia PKD digenerative disk disease! and chronic fatigue syndrome,  or any one of dozens of types of cancer an auto imune diseases have days where we can hardly do anything, whether it’s because we literally don’t have the energy to move, or whether activity causes searing pain that breaks us down physically and mentally. We never know when this might happen….sumtimes it comes on gradually an one can prepare for it other times it happens in an instant! an if ur in publik or around people well?
Then i get these notes an comments or texts? “WHATS WRONG WITH YOU?” AN WELL, THAT JEST MAKES ONE MORE DEPRESSED…wunderin what is truly wrong an why one can’t do a lot bout it…an why one has to jest accept the loosing cards dealt…an then go bout life one minute at a time till it gets better – hopefully!.an also i get the other side of the pic frum many…who don’t want to realize or accept the fact that i am in pain an they jest disconnect frum me or leave me be…so they do not have to be a part of it!..even though i attempt not to soapbox bout it, jest hanging round me for a few hours they realize i hurt an it bothers them too much to hang round me 😦 especially soul sensitive people yes indeed…. although ever now an again i come across a healer type of personality, who senses an feels what i do, most compassionate folks i have ever known on the planet!..they even tell me…it takes a lot out of them to even werk on me! an to attempt to transmute the self capturing negative energies an dispurse them!…Is almost like being poossessed by something ELSE? inside that cause havoc on the rest of my systems an body an life itself in the end!..
I very rarely talk bout my ETERNAL pains here! an what a pain in the body it is being alive…i enjoy the good things in life to much to jest give up an let one die! is bout the end of it here! is why i do what i do,,,keep on keepin on…put on the false front of being NORMAL AN HAPPY AN HEALTHY is all one can do…an give it every attempt an my best shot to show the doctors wrong etc etc… an heal the field so my body heals is the greatest thing i can do to over come these dis-eases that affect my field – my body – my life an ultimately my physical an mental health!
So…to those who read me that are in chronic pain…i can relate yes indeed!…I can only share a bit of my experience strength an hope to help u in ur individual situation…yes we are all different…but chronic PAIN still feels da’ SAME no matter who ya are! it is what it is…how one chooses to percieve it does make a difference…but if u have evr had the FLU or broken a bone! well u know the pain! an when that kind of pain persists 24/7 80% of ur weeks,,,well the other 20% trying an attempting to do thngs which are “FUN” is a hard thing to do!
So, off the soapbox now…after another morning an day of being sick – emotionally – physically an spiritually! All one can really do is Keep ON Keepin on …stay focused on the moment! move slowly an graceefully,,,with determination to kick the disease….an even laugh at things that are not so fun! cuz one truly realizes that being happy is the best ingredient goin to help keep one having fun! being positively positive..instead of positively negative! helps enourmously!
To have a bit of faith an determination that things will get better! is the only way one can truly lewk at things if they feel chronically ill or sick! the way i see it!…so no matter what till the day my body decides to get the best of me an the ego of pain wins over the mind! i shall have a mind to have as much fun as i possibly can! however i can…
I do know one thing for sure…getting drunk is not an option…nor drugging myself to death either! to excape my personal reality, is why i smoke my bud an move on ahead “ON DAY AT A TIME – SUMTIMEZ “ONE MINUTE @ A TIME” MYT QUEST IS NOT TO EXCAPE MY PERSONAL REALITY BUT ALL THE DIFFERENT I AM WANTING TO AN WISHING TO ALLOW MY PAINS TO BE LESSONS FOR THE FUTURE…WHATEVR THAT IS!! Maybe in my next life i wont carry this Disease to the future with me? who knows.all in the days of suffering frum INTERNAL INVISIBLE ILNESSES THAT CAUSE RADICAL PAIN!…


So: Things i believe One Should Do Every Day if u have PKD , degenerative bone disease. Fibromyalgia & Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
Take Your Medications & Supplements (if prescribed)
Eat Something Healthy (or drink at the very least)
Get Plenty of Serious Rest.
Exercise as much as one can: if Possible
Love & Laugh as much as possible!

Realize alcohol is not the answer!
Fight in a gewd way fer ur life – if ya can!

Accept it an take it responsibly without killin’ urself! over it!
Enjoin with all the gewd things one can while one can!


Is well, all i can say bout this subjekt today..for every day is a new day ..an well, tomorrow jest might be a better day! so attempt to lewk forward to it with that in mind.  NO matta HOW MUCH ONE HURTZZZZZZ!


and also: remember If u suffer frum thingz such as i do jest remember one thing very simple to say but hard to realize.
“THIS TOO SHALL PASS!” jest like any storm should!

an life is only temporal truly..

it’s jest a matter of time what life turns into!